Simple Moodlings \'sim-pѳl 'mϋd-ѳl-ings\ n: 1. modest meanderings of the mind about living simply and with less ecological impact; 2. "long, inefficient, happy idling, dawdling and puttering" (Brenda Ueland) of the written kind; 3. spiritual odds and ends inspired by life, scripture, and the thoughts of others
Life has been so busy (I'm up to my neck in garden produce!) that I've kind of forgotten about Monday Music Appreciation Moodlings... but this morning I'll take a few moments to rectify that!
As part of our significant birthday celebrations this year, Lee and I spent Saturday, August 9th at Edmonton's Folk Music Festival on Gallagher Hill, just a few blocks from home. It was a perfect August day, and we enjoyed music from start to finish, though we came home a bit early as I was in charge of the Sunday morning service downtown the next day.
We went into the festival not knowing much about any of the artists because most of the "headliners" weren't really familiar to us, and we didn't have the full weekend pass for the evening shows with the big names. But what we saw was understated -- and spectacular -- in its own way. I may have a few more Monday Music Appreciation Moodlings coming in the next few weeks from that one beautiful Saturday.
Today I'll start with the artist that moved me to tears with the song below. His name is pronounced like "eye", and he has a smoky, simple style of singing. Lee and I both agreed we could listen to a lot more of him. Here's his song, Human Kind, which he sang from the stage in the picture above, as the tears rolled down my cheeks. Email subscribers can click here if it's visible on your email.
Well, that’s
a challenging Gospel reading. Not sure I like it very much when Jesus tells me I have to hate my parents and children and give up everything I have, how about you? But hopefully
we’ll make some sense of why he would do that in the next few minutes together.
First though,
I invite you to think for a moment about your own life. Are there people who
have been particularly supportive to you at different times? People who have
been “God-with-skin-on” for you? People who have your back?
The guy who
is playing guitar this morning is one of those people in my life. Chuck helped
me a lot when our mutual friend, Pauline, died at the age of 21 from
complications after surgery to replace a faulty heart valve. Pauline’s sister
called to let me know that Pauline had survived the surgery, but was brain dead.
I was 19, my family was away on vacation, and I needed someone to talk to and
cry with. To this day, I’m not sure why, but I took a few deep breaths and
called Chuck.
My friend, Pauline
God bless
him, he drove to meet me right away, and we went for a long walk in a park,
talking about our friend Pauline and praying for her and her family while she
was being taken off of life support. And when the family asked me to play my
guitar for Pauline’s funeral, Chuck came to play and sing too. He had my back when
I couldn’t see through my tears or sing through the lump in my throat. Chuck
was “God-with-skin-on” for me at that time. He had my back.
This
morning, in Psalm 139, we hear about how another Someone (with a capital S) has our
back, even more so than Chuck had mine. The person who wrote the Psalm is
speaking directly to God about how much He loves us and wants to be with us, no
matter where we are. Our Creator knows us from the moment our lives start,
right to their end, and She walks with us whether we’re on the highest mountain
or in the depths of hell. Creator is there for us every moment of every day and
then some, and has our back in every way possible.
But what
helps us to understand this invisible Presence in our lives? For me, it’s
always been my relationships with flesh and blood people who mediate God’s love
for me, those people who are “God-with-skin-on,” like Chuck and yes, even many of you here. And I also need the scriptures that so
often tell me about God’s love.
But today is
a bit confusing. On the one hand, in the Psalm, we have this God who is so in
love with us, She will follow us to the ends of the earth. But then, on the
other hand, in Luke’s Gospel, Jesus is being kinda hardass, not the loveable,
huggable God in the Psalm.
So what’s up with that?
I’ve been
puzzling over Jesus’ words about hating people all week, and the other hard words he's saying, and what I
finally see is that he is giving the folks who are following him a little shock
treatment. He’s telling them, “You’ve been walking with me for quite a while
because you like the nice things I say about God. But what if He asks you to
give up your parents, your spouse and children, and even your own life for a deeper
relationship with Him? What if God wants you to put aside everything that
distracts you from your relationship with Her? What if there’s a cross you have
to carry?”
Jesus is
asking all his followers – us included – “Are you willing to invest in our
relationship from now right to the end, like someone building a tower, who
needs to make sure they can finish it? Are you willing to be like a ruler who wisely
sees that a certain battle is unwinnable, and humbly asks for peace? And are
you willing to let go of everything you own… and maybe not just what you own, but
also the ideas you have about who you are and what makes you important or special in your own mind, and
accept that you are important and special just because you are God’s Beloved?
Jesus is
reminding us that relationships are hard work and that if we want our
relationship with God to work, we have to set aside everything that distracts
us. We have to be in it for the long haul, right to the finish line. And sometimes, we
have to accept and admit our limitations and rely on God instead of ourselves.
The thing
about relationships is that there always comes a point where we have to decide
– are we willing to risk and give more of ourselves, or not? Are we really
willing to rely on the other person? To trust in them? Are we really willing to rely on God? To trust in Creator?
I invite you
to take a deep breath and settle as comfortably as you can into your chair, putting your feet flat on the floor. Breathe
in… and out… following your breath from your lips to the bottom of your lungs
and back. What a miracle God gives us as we breathe!… Relax any tightness in
your body, allow yourself to rest quietly and come to complete stillness except
for the beating of your heart. Close your eyes, or soften their focus if you can…
Picture
yourself walking along your favourite path. What do you see? What do you hear? Where
does the path lead?
As you walk,
someone is coming toward you, and you realize that it is Jesus.
“How are you
doing?” he asks, as he comes to walk beside you.
How do you
reply?
“I’m here to
invite you to deepen your relationship with God,” he says.
How does
that make you feel?
“Is there
anything distracting you from Creator’s love for you?” he asks.
Think about
that, and tell Jesus anything on your heart.
“Only the
ones who are willing to carry their own cross and follow me will learn my
ways,” Jesus says.
Think about
the challenges you face, the cross you carry. Ask yourself, “am I willing to
carry it with God walking beside me?”
Spend a few quiet
moments in silent conversation with Jesus now…
When you are ready, say goodbye to Jesus, open your eyes, and return to this space.
Let’s bow our heads and pray together:
Creator,
I know you
want what’s best for me,
even though
I don’t often know what that is.
You invite
me to put you ahead of everything else in my life,
but that
seems like an impossible, beautiful, scary thing.
I want to
trust in your love for me,
I want to
rely on you,
but I need
your help.
Be with me
in all the ups and downs of life,
as I carry
my cross with you, right to the finish line,
and bring
all your people home to you.
We ask this in the name of your son, our brother, Jesus.
Yesterday morning, Pastor Quinn went to the Royal Alex to visit one of our "flock," who was sent from the Stanley Milner Library to Emergency because of double pneumonia -- but J had checked himself out (well, walked out) before Quinn got there.
This morning, J's mom arrived at Tuesday Table Time and told us she didn't know where J is, so we went looking for him after our table cleared off of the toiletries and snacks we had to share. We checked the library and walked all the way around Hope Mission, hoping to find J. No luck. He could be anywhere, and with this kind of illness plus an addiction to meth, all we can do is pray that someone who meets him can help him to get the care he needs.
Walking around the Hope this morning, though I've done it more than a few times, left me shocked yet again at the sheer numbers of homeless people milling around or sleeping on the sidewalks. It's not something that I spend a lot of time thinking about because it leaves me feeling sad that things are the way they are, guilty that my life is so much better than theirs, and hopeless that things are going to change.
But in my morning meditation time today, I ran across this gem by Brother Lawrence, a fairly simple monk who tried to see God in all things/people:
Everything is possible for those who believe, even more for those who hope, still more for those who love, and most of all for those practice and persevere in these three powerful paths.
So we at Inner City Pastoral Ministry (soon to have a new name -- watch this space!) continue in these three paths to the best of our ability. And we pray for J to recover from his illness and addiction, and do what we can for all those we meet on the streets.
Everything is possible, says Brother Lawrence. Especially for those who love God.
but even so, I'm loving this August. I'm not sure I like how much longer the shadows are in the mornings and evenings because I know what that means (seasons are changing, sigh), but we're having that beautiful slanting sunlight
that Remi-pup and I enjoy on our early morning walks
and sunset strolls with Lee.
And there's so much beauty to be found in August. Blooming roses,
more blossoms than anyone could ever count
on just the hollyhocks in neighbours' yards
(I need to plant me some of those!) and colourful produce.
(I forgot to put the purple peacock beans into this "kitchen counter still life," and if I could grow some sort of blue fruit I'd have all the colours of the rainbow!)
Our formerly sickly pear tree has made an amazing come back and is loaded this year. Another week or two and we'll be feasting on sweet pears (and I'll have my work cut out for me, giving them away, baking, and making jams!)
Our garden this year is a bit more chaotic than it has been, mainly because I'm working about eighteen hours a week and dog-walking another eight or nine, and those things eat up a lot of gardening time. But things grow whether I'm paying attention or not, and we've been enjoying produce as it comes. This morning I picked a gallon of beans (5 gallons last week), pruned and watered the tomatoes and squash plants, and marveled at how high some of the weeds got before I pulled them (there are still too many to count)! Oh, the dill!
Last night we tasted our first onion, peppers, and potatoes fried together (yum). I took a huge caesar salad to the Inner City Pastoral Ministry Men's and Women's hot dog roast and picnic two weeks ago, I've got cauliflower in the freezer (the broccoli bolted while we were on vacation in early July), and the peas (snap and snow) are pretty much finished. I'll have plenty of climbing beans, the cucumbers are coming on, and I've managed to keep the pumpkins from growing through the fence into the neighbour's yard. I'll have lots of seed for next year's tobacco, and though the corn seems a bit stunted, we may get a feed or two. My one regret is that I didn't plant enough carrots, but what can you do? It was a busy spring.
Berry wise, the raspberries, haskaps and domestic Saskatoon (service) berries have been outstanding. I'm still working on improving our strawberry bed -- so there won't be any strawberry jam this summer -- but maybe I can make pear/rhubarb jam instead. It was a big hit this past winter.
Now that I'm too busy to spend a lot of extra time weeding, my husband and kids are making suggestions about how to downsize our garden, but what I'd really like is a bit more help. Jay has a friend who might come and work with me for $20 an hour, and I'm sure we could make a big dent in the disorder together. But in the meantime, I'm enjoying having the ability to share produce, embracing the lushness of it all, and looking forward to good eating!
Here's a Monday Music Appreciation Moodling with an update about what's been going on for Inner City Pastoral Ministry lately. I'll start with the music part, and if you're interested in the rest, well, you can wade through that below the video.
Yesterday at the Community of Emmanuel, I came inside from welcoming folks into our much-reduced space, and the Ever-Amazing Evan was playing House of the Rising Sun. He's played it many times before, and I was in the mood for singing, so I jumped in with the lyrics of Amazing Grace, as I've often heard Evan do in the past. Our folks love it.
This morning I received an email from a friend and board member whose church donated yesterday's lunches, commenting on how much she enjoyed the service and our Blind Boys of Alabama version of Amazing Grace. I had no idea that it originated with them, so I went looking and found today's music appreciation video.
And here's the update on what has happened for Inner City Pastoral Ministry these past two weeks or so. I am writing this mostly to keep the details together for myself, so don't feel you have to read it.
Wednesday, July 16th, Pastor Quinn had a phone meeting with a manager at the Bissell Centre, with whom we've had a 47-year collaboration in caring for inner-city community members. The manager told him that we had until August 1st to vacate our spaces (worship and storage) as the Bissell had to lease it to a third party. That's the day I asked moodlings readers to pray for us. (Thank you for your prayers -- you'll see they've helped.)
Thursday, July 17th, we had our Men's and Women's Groups hotdog roast and picnic at an inner-city park, and broke the news about our move to some of our community. "But why?" was the common question we heard over the next two weeks.
Friday, July 18th, a group of us went medicine picking in ditches east of Elk Island Park. It's hard not to pray when I'm picking sage, a good hotline to Creator, and I burned it up.
Saturday, July 19th was a memorial picnic for one of our long time community members. Barb's daughter, Annie, has remembered her mom with the Community of Emmanuel in this way for the last four years.
Sunday, July 20th we arrived at our worship space to discover that our usual chairs and tables were missing, pushed into back rooms. Extra set up and take down effort makes for a good Sunday morning workout! We explained to the Community of Emmanuel that July 27th would be our last service in the present space, that the next worship space would be much smaller, and that if they wanted to come and pray with us on Sundays, it would be, first come, first served. Or, as Quinn put it, "You snooze, you lose. Come early." Our ability to be hospitable has taken a big hit.
Monday, July 21st was supposed to be the start of Pastor Quinn's vacation, but with a rainy day and so much up in the air, he spent his time trying to nail down details about our move -- in vain. Our board chair also tried to contact the CEOs of Bissell to see if we could discuss our situation -- also to no avail. He did, however, receive a letter back letting us know that it is the Alberta Government's Provincial Navigation Centre (for shuffling homeless folks into shelters and detox beds, ready or not) who will move into what was our space, dashing our hopes that it would be someone willing to collaborate with us.
Tuesday, July 22nd to the morning of Friday, July 25th was Quinn and his son's camping trip to Drumheller, where phone/text connection isn't great, but I managed determine a time that Quinn could come to a meeting, got hold of the Bissell facility manager and set one up for Friday afternoon. He, Annie, our coffee coordinator, and I met with the manager, looked at the spaces we had to work with in Bissell East, and started formulating plans for how to use the space and for the big move.
Sunday, July 27th was our final service in Bissell Centre West. It was a good one, but I couldn't help feeling sad, knowing that we can't care for folks as easily as we did with more space, good coffee machines, and a much easier set up. I guess we'll just have to keep building muscles moving furniture and lugging around coffee urns.
Our old space
Monday, July 28th was the move. Three board members, Quinn, and I managed to clear out our storage spaces and pile things into bins and boxes to move to a room across the street in Bissell Centre East. The toughest thing to move was our altar, a cupboard on wheels with very low clearance. Sorting through and moving everything took us about five hours, and we left considerable chaos behind, but we kept our end of the bargain that Bissell insisted upon.
And really, we are grateful that they didn't kick us out entirely... but they could have given us a lot more time. Not too many landlords get away with a two-week eviction notice. Or they often do and I'm just naive...
Thursday, July 31st Bible Study morning began with a big question -- where did our TV go? Lucky for us, ever-helpful Bob the facility maintenance guy had it! He also saw to it that our coffee cabinet and meal accessories locker got moved to the new space. Pretty well everything else left behind in the West building was destined for either the Bissell's Store or the dumpster.
Friday, August 1st was handover day to the Navigation Centre folks, who were taking a tour of our old space when we arrived to pick up Evan's electronic piano. Quinn and I spent another 5 hours putting things away and debating how to set up for Sunday morning. Much to our delight, we managed to fit 50 folding chairs into the Wolf Room that we are now using every Sunday.
Saturday, August 2nd we had a ministry team meeting in the new space to talk about how worship, coffee service and the handing out of lunches after the service would work. Evan set up his piano and did a sound check, and we prayed that the new space would serve us well.
Our new space
Sunday, August 3rd began with Quinn smudging the area with sweetgrass, and it was a gorgeous sunny morning for people to come and find us -- I posted signs on Bissell West and East explaining where to come for worship and that lunches would be served on the opposite side of the street. And people came. As is often the case early in the month (after folks get their social assistance cheques), it wasn't a big crowd, but we felt that the people who really wanted to be with us came to pray and sing and hear Quinn's beautiful words about our community being a place of prayer, peace, safety, and sanctuary.
After all was said and done, we all felt that this change, while not ideal, has been mostly positive. As Jesse, one of our regulars, put it, "I was anxious about how this was gonna work out, but you guys did just great, and I think it's gonna be fine."
It's fine right now with good weather, but we'll need to move into a different room in colder weather because our doors open directly to the great outdoors so we won't be able to keep the room warm in the winter with people coming and going. The larger room we are hoping to use will hopefully be vacated when a new facility opens for the social services agency in there now. It was actually ICPM's meeting place before Bissell West was built. So please, pray that all goes well with Boyle Street Community Services' move to the King Thunderbird Centre so that we can move to their larger room, and please continue to keep us in your prayers, that our community of prayer, peace, safety, and sanctuary can exist going forward.
Amazing Grace has been at work for us, no question. Amen, Hiy hiy!
Every so often, someone reminds me of something I've moodled in the past, and I go back to it to be happily surprised by what's there. It's been a while since I've re-moodled anything, but right now I think this one deserves to be re-moodled. And shared with our neighbours to the south in particular, as ICE raids and deportations continue to damage their communities...
Why can't we just accept each others' humanity and cut everyone some slack??
* * * * * * *
Wednesday, February 8, 2018
I’ve been noticing way too much anti-immigrant/refugee commentary here in Canada, and it’s really bothering me. Yesterday it reached the tipping point in my head and spilled out in a grumpy, miserable moodling that I’ve toned down a lot. Even so, this may get a bit messy:
With the exception of Canadian-from-the-very-beginning Indigenous people (who are still handling the effects of long-term Canadian racism -- another huge problem that still needs to be addressed), we, the people of Canada, are made up of immigrants and refugees from all over the world. Most of us came from other places to belong to a country that wasn’t ours to begin with. None of us really own our homeland, but we have helped to shape it into a country that strives to be open toward and tolerant of our human differences -- with varying rates of success.
My own great-grandparents were Russian-German farmers and blacksmiths who left their land near the Volga river during the Russian Revolution in the early 1900s. They came to Western Canada simply because their lives had been caught between the Red and White armies battling for control of Russia after the era of the Tzars. Their homes and families endangered, my ancestors fled to safety in Canada. Eventually they learned English, though the punchlines of jokes were usually in German, much to the chagrin of my third-generation cousins and me!
I suspect that most Canadians whose ancestors arrived in the first quarter of the last century (or much earlier) would say that they are also descendants of immigrants who came to Canada for the promise of good farm land, freedom, and safety for their children. Yet some of the descendants of these same immigrants now self-righteously act as though they own Canada and have the right to determine who is a “true” Canadian.
How quickly we forget our own history!
My great-grandfather came across on a boat, praying with his family to survive the long ocean crossing. He stood in a line at Pier 21 in Halifax, like thousands of others waiting to be documented, and I wonder if he got down on his hands and knees to kiss the ground once he'd scrawled his signature on the dotted line. Then he and his wife and children boarded a train that took them across the country, searched the Saskatchewan prairie for the iron stake that marked their homestead, and built a sod house before winter set in. The new immigrants had to work hard physically -- longer, harder days than many of their great-grandchildren ever will. It goes without saying that we are grateful for the Canadian birthright they worked for and handed down to us.
In a similar fashion, today's immigrant or refugee may have been driven to put his family on a boat -- belonging to a human trafficker -- because it was safer than facing terror, genocide or war where he once lived. He and his family prayed to get across the sea safely, and arrived on the other side to be herded into a truck that took them to an overcrowded refugee camp where they waited for three or four years in squalor -- with no school for the children, no privacy, no real healthcare, and nothing to call their own but the clothes they wore. They had to scramble for money to pay foreign people to fill out reams of paperwork so they could to come to Canada, where they now have to navigate a very complex and, unfortunately, racist society. And the worst of the racists are usually nth-generation descendants of immigrants from years past.
From conversations with my immigrant friends who have come to Canada more recently, I know that they are more than willing to uphold Canada's laws and support their new country in good and bad times, to learn a new language, and to contribute their many significant talents to society while working, worrying about family members back home who might also hope to come to Canada, and helping their children to feel as though they belong here. They just want to make a good impression, to be welcomed, to have friends.
So it makes me angry when some people -- who probably don't even personally know (as friends) any of these newcomers -- decide that our new arrivals to Canada don’t deserve to be here because they’re not adapting quickly enough. The thing is, life is so different now -- in many ways that we barely even realize. While it’s true that today’s immigrants and refugees don’t have to build sod houses or plow virgin prairie, they struggle like our ancestors did to build new lives, but in a world where land, home, employment and citizenship are harder and harder to come by for lots of different reasons.
And it disturbs me to no end that some of today's nth-generation children of immigrants use the "history" of their European ancestors' military service in fighting for Canada in the World Wars as an example -- to insinuate that recently-arrived Canadians are probably terrorists from other countries who would never dream of lifting a finger to defend the Canadian lifestyle into which they and their families have been welcomed. The critics are forgetting that many of the new Canadian soldiers in the World Wars (who fled wars in their lands of origin) were conscripted. And isn't it a bit unrealistic to expect people who have fled violence for peace and security in Canada to turn around and enlist in our armed forces? Most of the Canadians-to-be that I know are just struggling to understand and fit into their adopted country’s language, culture and traditions while still treasuring their own, just as my great-grandparents did. My immigrant friends have left war, desperation, hatred and divisions behind to fully embrace their new homeland with an incredible gratitude, even as many life-long Canadians take our country for granted.
To people complaining about our newcomers I want to say: Sure, immigrants and refugees might dress differently than you and I do, but that's okay, really, it is. Their customs and traditions might seem a bit unusual at first, but everything new takes some getting used to. Their skin might not be the colour we're used to, but they're just as beautiful if you really look, and though it might be hard to understand them at first, communication will become easier with practice. And I am almost certain that anyone who lives a week in their lives or walks a hundred miles in their shoes will have nothing but respect and admiration for them, just as they respect and admire Canada for welcoming them.
Diversity means resilience and strength in nature. And diversity in our country is one of our strengths too. So while our family histories as longer-term Canadians are something that, yes, we can be proud of, they are also a reason to cut our newcomers some slack, to give them some time to settle in without facing undue criticism or racism. We need to realize that offhandedly spouting racist remarks (or copying them on social media) about not accepting people different than ourselves isn't helping anything -- rather, it's increasing bullying, prejudice, injustice, and worse, creating conditions for violence.
Instead, let's make time and opportunities to get to know more immigrants and refugees and let them share with us their goodness, kindness, generosity and friendship. And let's reciprocate! We’re better off taking a chance on each other than ignoring or denigrating potential new friends. After all, we are brothers and sisters in one human family, and in this country, we are all on our way to being Canadians together.
As mentioned in my "An offer I can't refuse post," my last "official" shift at the Winspear last week introduced me to Sierra Ferrell, a talented musician from West Virginia. None of my colleagues knew a thing about her before the shift, but by the end, we were all fans. She put on a wonderful performance, and her back up band was outstanding. (Her opener, Willi Carlisle, was no slouch either!)
One of my favourite usher friends said, "I'm really getting Dolly Parton vibes here," and I told Tara how I'd been listening to a Best of Sierra Ferrell playlist on Spotify when Dolly's Coat of Many Colors started playing, and I thought, how did Dolly end up on this list? But no, it was Sierra's cover of Dolly's hit, and it was that well done.
During last week's concert, Sierra spoke openly about her personal challenges as a young participant in the music industry, the value of therapy, and how she values her relationship with God. The song below, she admitted, came out of that relationship.
There are many things I'll miss about being a regular staff at the Winspear, but a big one is being exposed to newer musical talent that I wouldn't run into otherwise and be able to share with you. But I'll keep my ears open. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy Lighthouse by Sierra Ferrell.
(Inner City Pastoral Ministry will move across the street to a much smaller space this week. Please keep the Community of Emmanuel in your prayers as we adjust to our new digs...)
For the past month, I've been feeling sad... I made the decision to leave my "dream job" at the Francis Winspear Centre for Music, Edmonton's beautiful concert hall.
Being an usher there has been a fantastic experience overall. The Guest Services Team is a wonderful group of people of all ages and nationalities, but with a common love of music and serving others. 70 or so people that work together well, cheer each other on, and feel a sense of accomplishment at the conclusion of every concert, no matter how tired we get. And we do get tired, especially during the run of concerts in the Christmas season! O aching feet, O aching feet...
The patrons, especially those attending symphonies, are a diverse and interesting group, and I've enjoyed getting to know some of the "regulars" over the last 5 years. They've shared many insights about music and the human condition. What moves me especially is the spouse who brings their also aging loved one with memory or mobility issues to come and enjoy music that is particularly special to the pair. For them, I'm always willing to go the extra mile. It's not only the music that's inspired me on this job!
And the shows I've seen! Well, parts of them, at least... just in the past season, great classical music, newer symphonies (how I love to watch the musicians and try to figure out which sound is coming from where), comedy (like the Whose Line Is It? guys last month who had me laughing so hard I was crying), and so many other musicians and genres from all over the globe! Plus great Canadians like Celeigh Cardinal, Jim Cuddy, Natalie McMaster and her amazing family, Johnny Reid, Jann Arden, and Fred Penner (yes, really -- that was a sweet concert for young adults who watched his TV show in their childhood to bring their little ones to see).
Music has always spoken to my spirit and lifted me up, and the joy it brings me counterbalances the challenges of my other "dream job." So my decision to leave Edmonton's magical concert hall weighed heavily on me for more reasons than I'll list here.
As I boarded the train to my final shift this week (a concert by the wonderful (!) Sierra Ferrell -- stay tuned for the next Monday Music Appreciation moodling), tears filled my eyes, and I thought, "oh boy, this is gonna be a rough shift if I'm already this emotional."
And sure enough, the tears continually prickled my eyes as I walked through the doors and said goodbye to Bernie, my favourite security guard, and Connie, who has been concierge since the Winspear opened in 1992, but I held it together pretty well while taking my show notes in the Guest Services office and taking a few selfies with my favourite colleagues.
I was doing okay until Leanne, one of our managers, came up to me, gave me a big hug and asked, "Why are you leaving us?" When I explained that two dream jobs were just one too many, she said, "I know you're doing important work at your other job, so let's just lighten your load here. How about working one shift every month or two?"
That's when the floodgates opened, happy tears for a change. I'm not sure how much I'll be around the Winspear in the future (I did purchase a subscription to some of next year's shows), but knowing that I can do a few shifts here and there and still work with friends on a less intense basis -- well, let's just say I'm overjoyed!
Our Inner City Pastoral Ministry's Community of Emmanuel has suddenly hit a bump in the road. Please pray for us as we determine how to move forward in a different worship space and that we can remain connected as a community in spite of this unexpected challenge.
I think Jann Arden is a wonderful human being. She's a great musician (I got to see her perform at one of my last Winspear shifts in June), she has a hilarious sense of humour, and she speaks up for important causes, which sometimes gets her into a bit of hot water with the powers that be. She gave a moving commentary on allowing people to be who they are, no judgment, during the instrumental parts of this song when she played here in Edmonton. So good.
I had heard this song many times, but have never seen the video until now. It reminds me of folks I know who have been "stranded" in Edmonton for one reason or another, and who find themselves coming in to join the Community of Emmanuel for church and a hot cup of coffee on rainy Sunday mornings. Some of them carry pictures in their pockets.
This is for all those good mothers out there who encourage us with words like "feet on ground, heart in hand, facing forward, be yourself," and whose love eventually calls us back home. Have a listen/watch, and enjoy! (Email subscribers can click here...)
(Today was my Sunday to lead morning prayer at the Community of Emmanuel at Inner City Pastoral Ministry. I took with me a large print of the Icon of Mercy, which was commissioned by the Taizé Ecumenical Community in France for its 75th anniversary in 2015. The icon is a beautiful writing whose symbolism has much to teach us. Below is what I shared with my friends, many of whom can relate to this story in many different ways. They look after each other so beautifully -- we see it every Sunday morning in the way people ARE community, caring for each other.)
If you had to answer the question, “Who is my neighbour,” what would you say?
Today I brought with me a beautiful icon, or holy writing, that illustrates Jesus’ answer to the neighbour question. The person who made this image spent a lot of time praying with Jesus’ story. In fact, this picture is that person’s prayer ---- in colour.
It is called the Icon of Mercy, and mercy means God’s compassion for all of us and within all of us.
In the centre of the icon is Jesus, dressed in white, the colour of holiness, with a green tinge that represents the Holy Spirit. Jesus has a kind face and is giving us a blessing with his right hand, and holding the Alpha and Omega on the bible, which represents Creator, who is the beginning and the end of all things – Alpha is the first letter of the Greek alphabet, and Omega is the last letter.
All around Jesus are a series of six pictures that tell the story he told to the law expert in today’s Gospel reading.
It’s the story of the traveller being robbed and beaten out in the middle of nowhere, in the wildlands between Jerusalem and Jericho.
It’s the story of the priest and the temple official pretending not to see the injured one and walking by on the other side of the road, avoiding what could be a messy situation, though you would think that if they are true servants of God, they would stop to help!
It’s the story of the Samaritan, a person who in Jesus’ time was considered to be a heathen, a lowly person to be avoided by good Jewish people. But in Jesus’ way, he turns things upside down. The Samaritan is the truly good person, better even than the temple officials, and a hero who saw someone in a bad situation and did what was right. He picks the injured traveller up and puts him or her on a donkey.
It’s a story of care, the washing and binding of wounds with expensive oils and wines. But the Samaritan doesn’t just dump the person off and say, “Good luck friend, get well soon.”
It’s a story of ongoing care, of the Samaritan taking the injured traveller to an inn, and with his own money, seeing to it that the person is cared for, with a promise to pay all the extra costs upon his return.
And finally, it’s the story of the restoration of the injured one to community, as we see the healed person sitting with the Samaritan and the Innkeeper sharing food and drink like the holy trinity of another famous icon, celebrating wholeness and goodness and the fruit of compassion, which is love and community.
There are a few other interesting things to notice about this icon. First, the angels who are carrying a message at the top and bottom of the picture. It says, in French, As you did it to one of the least of these my brothers or sisters, you did it to me.
When icons like this one are written, different colours mean different things. For example, the angels are different colours: red, symbolizing love, passion, and sacrifice, blue, representing wisdom and divine compassion. And the colour green, which the Good Samaritan is wearing, represents the Spirit of God. The writer of the icon is telling us that the Samaritan is acting with Creator’s mercy, Creator’s compassion in all these pictures. God’s spirit is with and in the Samaritan.
But what interests me the most is the injured person. In each of the pictures, he or she is wearing the same colour as the central figure of this icon, Jesus. In other words, anyone who is hurting, anyone in trouble, anyone experiencing misfortune, is where we find Jesus in our world. Jesus identifies with all who are struggling or lost or hurting in any way, and he wants his followers to do the same. He wants us to do the same. Aren’t those his last words to the lawyer when he answers that the neighbour is the one who showed compassion? “Then go, and do the same,” Jesus says.
I invite us all to take a deep breath and think about the question, “who is my neighbour?”
Straighten your spine if you can and breathe in and out gently and quietly. Let your heart slow, and your body come to stillness.
What kind of a neighbour am I?
As you breathe in and out, know that you are God’s beloved, that Creator loves you just as you are this very minute.
Imagine God picking you up and wrapping God’s arms around you in a warm and tender embrace, holding you as gently as a mother holds a newborn child.
Just relax into God’s arms.
God is looking at you with love, and listening to whatever you want to say.
Now is a time when you can whisper into God’s ear how you are feeling.
Are you feeling like the traveller, encountering trouble on your journey?
Are you like the Good Samaritan, seeing people in need and offering help?
Or do you need some sort of assistance yourself?
In the quiet of these next few moments, let God know what is on your mind and heart.
....
Creator says to you,
I hear you, my beloved.
I am listening.
I am with you in every breath you take, in every thought you think, in every word you speak.
Even when things are difficult, especially when things are difficult, I am with you.
And when things are good and beautiful, I am in those things, too.
I am the courage that helps you to hope,
I am the strength that helps you to heal,
I am the joy that makes you laugh and dance and celebrate.
I am the love in you that helps you to reach out and care for others.
Today's reflection is brought to you by Luke 9:57-62.
It's the 5th Sunday of the month, and it was my turn to offer the reflection for our Sunday service at the Community of Emmanuel in central Edmonton this morning. Today Jesus' own homelessness comes into the Gospel reading, which perhaps makes it even more meaningful for our folks.
There are always so many things that can come out of the day's scriptures, but what's below is what I shared with my friends downtown:
* * * * * * *
Isn’t this interesting, what Jesus is saying to the people he and the disciples were
meeting on their way to Jerusalem?
How could he
say such things? Telling people to abandon their families, or to follow him
just as a family funeral is about to happen. And to the person who said, “I’ll
follow you wherever you go,” he’s saying, “Prepare to be homeless, dude,
because I have nowhere to lay my head, either.”
These don’t
sound like things a smart leader would say to encourage people to follow him!
So what’s
going on with Jesus?
Well, for
starters, he’s on his way to Jerusalem. He knows he’s going to give up his life
to teach the world about God’s love for every single one of us, and he knows
it’s not going to be an easy ride. He’s walking toward the cross, putting the
world behind him, and he’s speaking very clearly because he knows he’s going to die. He has clarity to the max.
Basically,
we’re hearing Jesus cutting through the crap that can distract us from following
Creator’s purpose for each one of us.
For
starters, Jesus is not saying that homelessness is no big deal, because he
knows it is a big deal. He’s letting us know that he gets it, he’s lived it,
and he’s surviving it. He’s honest, and giving the guy who says, “I’ll follow
you wherever you go,” a reality check, saying, “Are you sure, dude? This isn’t
exactly a glamourous life I'm living here." Jesus never promised us that
life would be easy, but he did promise that his Spirit would be with us every
step of the way.
Jesus is also
not saying that commitments like burying the dead aren’t important, but he is
saying that if we live too long in the past, in what has been, focused on
people and things that have gone before, we can end up distracted from doing
what Creator asks of us in the present.
Jesus is also
not saying that our families are unimportant, but that worrying too much about
what they expect of us can prevent us from growing into the people God wants us
to be. If I had followed the expectations of my people, I'd go to my old church with them every Sunday rather than
spend my time here. But I find my faith, joy and purpose with all of you in the
Community of Emmanuel. God is here, in all of you!
But perhaps
the most interesting line Jesus says in today’s reading is, “No one who puts a
hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.”
In other
words, excuses aren’t what Jesus is looking for. He's wanting our whole-hearted willingness to be with him. In today’s Gospel reading, Jesus
is inviting us to set our hesitations and doubts about following him aside.
He’s asking us to step forward in freedom from all that, not looking backward to things that are less important.
He invites us to consider – what is holding us back from loving and serving
Creator whole-heartedly right now?
Let’s spend
some time with Jesus, thinking about that question… what is holding us back from loving and serving Creator whole-heartedly right now?
As I usually
do, I invite you to take a deep breath and settle into your chair as
comfortably as you can.
Put your
feet on the floor, straighten your spine, and let your eyes close, or soften
their focus.
Breathe in
deeply, and out gently and quietly.
Settle into
the rhythm of your breathing, in and out, in and out.
Just rest in
complete stillness and quietness.
Let your
mind’s thoughts come and go like clouds floating by.
Then, imagine
walking down the hill to your favourite spot on the river.
Smell the
fresh morning air, see the sunlight on the leaves of the trees.
Hear the
birds and feel the solidness of the good earth path under your feet, the caress of the breeze on your cheek.
When you
reach the river, Jesus is sitting on a large stone there, with another stone next
to him for you to sit on.
He stands, holds
out his hands in a gesture of welcome, gives you a hug, and invites you to sit down.
Then he
smiles and asks how you’re doing. "How are you doing?"
You can see
his love for you in his eyes as you tell him. He is listening very carefully.
Jesus asks
if there is anything keeping you from freedom with him right now.
The love in
his eyes makes it easier for you to tell him about your struggles and doubts.
You can say things to him that you can’t tell anyone else. He is listening deeply.
“Nothing you
say or do can prevent Creator and me and the Spirit from loving you,” he says.
He bends to
pick up a rounded stone the size of your first from the rocky river’s edge. He
hands it to you, saying, “Put your all your burdens and hesitations onto this
stone.”
Imagine the
weight of the stone in your hand getting heavier as you transfer your doubts and
worries onto it.
“Okay,”
Jesus says. He picks up a stone like yours, saying, “Let’s throw these stones
into the river on the count of three. One, two, three!”
Splash!
Jesus laughs. “Yours went
further,” he says.
“God loves you so much,” he says. “Don’t let anything hold you back from that love.”
Then he
stands, offers you his hand, and you walk back up the riverbank together…
... And I invite
you to open your eyes, shift your awareness, and come back to this space.
* * * * * * *
Let’s pray
these words together... make these words your own:
Thank you, Creator, for sending your son Jesus to remind me how much you love me.
Give me the strength and courage to put my doubts, excuses, and hesitations behind me, so I can walk forward in freedom with you.
Life isn’t easy, but your company lightens my burdens.
Stay with me, and show me the way you want me to go.
This morning, Remi and I visited what a friend of mine calls "the grandfather tree." It's big and beautiful, and I'm sorry to say that I don't even know what kind of tree it is. A poplar of some sort, I think. All I know for sure is that I love it, especially sitting and breathing with my back against its rough trunk. I've taken pictures as it has leafed out this year -- April 10, May 1, and today.
With the drought and the winds we've been having recently, I worry for our trees. Edmonton has lost several over the last weeks -- 130 km/hr winds are hard for anyone to withstand. I also feel for them... with the wildfire smoke we're experiencing, there's no way they can keep up with clearing the air. The air is polluted beyond their capacity, though they continue to do what they can.
And that's a lesson for all of us in these challenging times, I'd say. Be like the trees, and keep on keeping on. Do what we do best, and hope for the rest to work out somehow.
But I also know enough to acknowledge and appreciate beauty when I see it, and so I am sharing the grandfather tree with you. Come visit, and we'll walk there together.
I had a really beautiful birthday weekend, including a profoundly moving sweat with friends out near Maskwacis, a back yard barbecue with favourite friends and family, and a beautiful worship service with the Community of Emmanuel on Sunday morning.
I could pick many different kinds of music from those events, but the song below is the one on my heart. We sang it several times as a refrain to the prayers voiced by the community yesterday morning, and it always opens people's hearts to share. Even those who didn't share left anonymous notes for us, including one that asked prayers for her deceased kids and a brother who died last year, and one with a pen drawn image of a heart in pieces and these words:
I am so sad and aloneall the
time. Everyone I need keeps on
dying on me. I don't know what
to do. I'm so lost.
So today's prayer/song is the one we sang yesterday (click here if you're an email subscriber). If you listen, keep these anonymous ones in your heart, that they may be consoled somehow...
A short break on the shore at Lake Wabamun last week
I've been all over the place for the last while. Not so much locationally, but head- and heart-wise. There's been a lot happening, and I'm finding that I don't have the kind of time I've been accustomed to for moodling online. There have been many things I've wanted to tell my moodlings readers about, but...
Life is good, just busier than it has been in years. I'm still working part-time at the Winspear Centre for Music, though not as much as before I started as associate pastor with the Community of Emmanuel downtown. It's quite a juxtaposition some days, handing out lunches to inner-city folks living on the streets in the mornings, and guiding wealthy symphony patrons to their seats in the evenings. The downtown community and orchestral music both feed my soul so I can live with the contradictions.
Taizé music is still feeding my soul, too. We had a beautiful prayer on Sunday night, and we are looking forward to our Pentecost Prayer, being held June 15th at St. Luke's Anglican Church, a week later than observed by the Canadian church because we have a special friend coming for a visit. Ceci is a flutist extraordinaire, and played with us regularly when she lived in Canada some years ago. She's coming to Edmonton from Schwabach, Germany, for her Pentecost vacation, and it's going to be a beautiful prayer with her flute descants singing above our voices! Plus we'll have her joyful presence staying with us for a few days, too.
Sundays seem to be my busiest day of the week, which makes sense for an associate pastor. I'm up at 6 a.m. because we start setting up our worship space and sound system by 7:45, getting the coffee going so we can welcome the community by 8:45 (earlier if it's cold or raining). Some Sundays we have two services, the second at a Senior's Supportive Housing facility, which has a wonderful little community that offers us lunch afterward (even looking after Quinn with gluten free food). Sundays are very special, and I'm really enjoying working with Evan, my fellow musician who can play almost any hymn in any key, and who is introducing me to a lot of new sacred music. Sometimes we get our folks up and dancing! If you ever want to join us, let me know!
I'm taking Mondays as my day of the week to try to catch up to myself, my "day off" from all those "shoulds" that I put upon myself. Mondays are for meeting my spiritual director online once a month, writing emails, catching up on my journal, and yes, moodling (this is being written on a Monday). I've also joined a 7 a.m. online morning meditation group that is wonderful (when I get to it). It runs every day but Sundays and Wednesdays. If you are interested in joining an online contemplative community, let me know.
Tuesdays are usually the day that I join Pastor Quinn at "Table Time" downtown. We offer the toiletries, snacks and clothing we receive as donations to the folks living on the streets in Boyle-McCauley. If you're interested in helping us out by donating snacks or packages of men's and ladies briefs, sizes small, medium and large, you can always send an email via the email address under my profile on the sidebar. You're also welcome to join us to meet the community on Tuesday mornings.
Wednesdays I like to go for a walk with my neighbours and Remi-pup, who is turning out to be a good little walking buddy. He had a bit of a time lately with the "cone of misery" after he was neutered, and is overjoyed to be free again. He loves to follow the neighbours' big dogs on our Wednesday walking route, and especially loves the wilder trails in the river valley. On Friday night we had to fence off our garden, as he is no respecter of planted raised beds and tore through my onion sprouts a few times just for the joy of it!
Thursdays are Inner City Pastoral Ministry's 11 a.m. Bible Study for anyone who is interested, though it's not your typical chapter and verse kind of thing. We've been watching Netflix's The Bible and A.D.: The Bible Continues. Its writers and producers made interesting choices in what to include and exclude from portraying the stories of the Good Book from Genesis to Revelation, and it's always interesting to see what comes from our discussions with our downtown friends. Some haven't been exposed to many Bible stories, but a few know the Bible better than I do!
And Fridays are a mixed bag. Sometimes we have a team ministry/music meeting. We're collecting music for a new hymnal, and there's always liturgy planning to do. Once a month, our Women's Group meets to talk about feminine spirituality and this past Friday, we learned about Teresa of Avila and her book The Interior Castle. Usually, the ladies have a colouring page to enjoy as we discuss things, and we have lunch together before going our separate ways. We're all looking forward to the Women's Wellness Weekend that's coming up May 30th - June 1st at the Star of the North Retreat House in St. Albert, a special break from daily life in the inner-city. There will be workshops and time for crafts and quiet reflection, all of it a real treat for our little community A fair bit of my spare time is connected to planning for it right now.
With all these things going on, my gardening time is squished in here and there... but I did manage to start my own greenhouse tomatoes and peppers, a friend gave me some tobacco plants, and I bought my annuals this past weekend. My kids and Lee are putting together a birthday party for me with friends and family this coming weekend, so I don't think our garden will be fully planted until after the new moon. The farmer's almanac says that's the best time to plant anyway -- the roots will fill out underground first, and the plants above ground will start reaching for the full moon in two weeks' time.
So that's your Moodler's life in a nutshell... once the Women's Weekend is over, things will settle into a more relaxed summer rhythm, I'm hoping, and I might actually get to weed my garden! To make life even more interesting, Lee is going back to work part time starting this week, but with Remi keeping us walking together, we have plenty of dog-walking time to connect.
If you feel like connecting with me, dear readers, I'd love to hear how life is treating you these days. I read all comments and emails, and respond when I can! I hope all is well with you!
