Sunday reflection: Control is an illusion

Flowers from my sisters
after this week's scary time...

Today's reflection is brought to you by Luke 20: 27-36.

Today was my turn to lead morning prayer at Sanctuary of Peace. Here's what I shared with the community:

Even to our 21st century ears, the question the Sadducees are asking Jesus in this morning’s gospel reading sounds like a bad joke with a strange punchline! I mean, what is the likelihood that a woman would marry a guy with six brothers only to have him die, then marry each his brothers in turn, only to have the same thing happen again and again. Highly unlikely! 

My husband has three brothers, and if anything happened to him, I wouldn’t want to marry them no matter what the Sadducees' rules were. They are not my type, and I’m not theirs! Thank heavens my partner is alive and well, and that the Sadducees’ rules don’t apply to me! 

But the Sadducees theoretical story and the rules about marriage brought up other things for me. The imaginary woman in their story had no control over what happened to her because of the religious rules of the day. Women had no choice but to do what authorities like the Sadducees said, and they were all men, which also wasn’t fair. And while we'd like to say that things have changed, for a lot of women around the world, that’s not the case. We’re bound by rules, written and unwritten, that men have made.

But that’s not my main point here. My point is that none of us, no matter our gender, have as much control in our lives as we like to think. The idea of control is an illusion we offer ourselves – until something blows that illusion to smithereens. 

Accidents happen. People die. A friend of mine was recently fired for no reason. Another friend’s marriage ended. Things valuable to us are lost or broken. On Thursday, someone I love very deeply experienced a medical crisis, and all I could do was hold on to her and pray as medical personnel worked on her. She came through okay, but I’ve never been more afraid in my life. And I'm still afraid that other things may go wrong for her.

So the Sadducees’ silly story raised a couple of big questions for me this week. How do we feel when we don’t have control over situations in our lives? And what do we do with those feelings? 

I have a few methods for handling life when things are out of my control. Sometimes I bottle up my feelings and try to push my way through situations as if they don’t really exist. Or, I get really scared and angry and lash out at people around me even when it’s not their fault. Other times, depression and hopelessness can bring me to my knees. 

Sometimes I need to sit down and ugly cry for a while, or stand outside on a windy day and swear loudly at God. Ever done that? It's quite therapeutic, and God has big shoulders -- They can handle it. I’ve also been known to try to make deals with Creator, saying, “If you can improve this situation and give me back some control, I’ll do big things for you too.” Ha, like I can do big things for God!

But few of these “coping mechanisms” actually help. It’s only when I can really let go of my anger and fear and need for control, when I am able to accept an uncontrollable situation with some grace, that I can find relief and feel more peaceful about it. Jesus, in the garden of Gethsemane, is a good model for this. Facing his death, he somehow managed to say, "Not my will, but Yours be done" to God. Jesus stands in solidarity with all of us when we don't have control over life's situations. But I'm not as good at this as Jesus.  

Jesus didn't complain, or let people walk all over him. He stood up against injustice when he could. But his example tells me that when there’s nothing I can do, I need to cry and grieve and let go of my need for control; to turn the situation over to Creator, who holds us all together, who holds together this universe we live in through love for all that is. 

I need to to say that famous prayer, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. 

That’s when I remember that Creator sees each and every one of us as Her beloved. He cries for all the ways human beings judge each other and treat each other unfairly with arbitrary rules that favour some people and hurt others. Creator wants what’s best for each one of us, but They don’t hand it to us on a silver platter. God knows that we live and grow most when we learn to hand over control in our lives to the One who really knows what’s going down. When we can say, like in the prayer of the four directions, “we are little and need Your pity,” we can be freed from our need for control. 

But let’s go back to the Sadducees and their silly story. Jesus tells them, “You guys have it all wrong. You’re worrying about who is married to who in heaven -- which you don’t even believe in -- but Creator doesn’t care about all that. God welcomes everyone to the resurrection of the dead because they are like angels and are children of God, being children of the resurrection.” Creator made everything, and wants what’s best for all Their children. We just need to work with Creator to allow that to happen, even when things are out of our control. 

Allow me to repeat that: God wants what’s best for all of us. We just need to allow that to happen. Especially when things are out of our control. 

As I always do, I would like to leave an opportunity for everyone to rest a few moments in this Sanctuary of Peace, to have a conversation with Creator. 

I invite you to settle as comfortably as you can. Straighten your back, set your feet on the floor, close your eyes or lower them, and relax. Breathe in and out, slowly and gently. In… and out… 

Let go of your thoughts and make an empty space for God to fill you. 

Imagine walking into a room deep in your own heart, a room lit by a single candle. Creator surrounds you in this space, a loving presence, warm and enveloping. 

Just wait with Creator in the semi-darkness… Creator invites you to think about your life, and a situation where you feel like you have little or no control… 

Silently tell Creator about it… and how you feel about it… how you hope it might be solved… 

Creator makes no promises… but the candle burns a little more brightly as you sit together in the silence… 

As your time together comes to a close, Creator says, “I love you, my child. I only want what is best for you. Let go... and let me help you. Let’s work together toward your peace of heart and mind and soul…"

When you are ready, return to this space… 

Let’s pray together: 

Creator, 

We thank you for your presence in our lives, 

especially in those situations where we have no control. 

When we are afraid or angry, 

feeling helpless or hopeless, 

remind us that you are with us, 

and that you want neither suffering nor distress to harm us. 

Help us to trust you. 

Help us to believe in your love. 

Help us to let go. 

Give us your peace when we need it the most. 

Give all your children peace. 

 +Amen

Sunday Reflection: Absolute trust

Today's reflection is brought to you by

Mark 6:8-9.

You told your followers

to take nothing for the journey.

A walking stick, 

a tunic,

a pair of sandals.

To trust that everything else

would be provided.

And here I am, 

my life encumbered

by so many things

I'd like to shed.

The simplicity

you taught

is in trusting

that there is always

enough.

But, 

magpie that I am,

I've collected more

emotionally,

materially,

and even spiritually

(baggage)

and it all 

weighs me down.

It sits in my mind

as distractions

to keep me from 

you.

How wise you are,

Teacher,

to insist upon absolute trust

in the way things flow

through Creator's hands 

to those who need them.

Maybe it's time to pray

a daring prayer:

teach me that kind of trust.

Help me to let go

and to rest 

in your love

alone.

+Amen.

Sunday Reflection: The glory to come

Today's reflection is brought to you by
Romans 8:18-23 and Matthew 13:16.

We are going through a challenging time,
O God,
but you tell us,
through the words of your servant,
Paul,
to be people of hope.

These days' struggles
are nothing
in comparison
to what you have planned for your world.

And so we are to trust in your timing
and to work
with all of your creation
to bring your will to fulfillment.

We may find ourselves
feeling helpless along the way,
but this is also part of your plan.

In facing our helplessness
we come to know
that everything depends on you,
and that we are free
to do what we can
and to entrust everything to your care.

We are not to carry
the weight of the world
because that's not our job!

You are God and we are not.

All of creation
(including us)
groans in labour,
but you are the faithful midwife.

Bless our eyes so that we may see the world as you do,
our ears to hear your requests in the voices
of those around us who are in need.

Help us to trust in you,
and to do our share
in the labour
to make our world
what you want it to be.

+Amen.

* * * * * * *

Lately, it never fails that these Sunday reflections are a pep talk to myself. Canadian and Alberta politics, news headlines and our present pandemic are real downers these days, but then along comes this piece of Paul's letter to the Romans, reminding me who is really in charge -- not our politicians, world injustices, or divisions caused by the virus that's affecting our entire planet. Somehow, I have to believe all of this is part of God's plan to bring about the glory of something so much better.

How about you?

Praying through the reflection above for a second time, I make it personal...

* * * * * * *

I am going through a challenging time,
O God,
but you tell me,
through the words of your servant,
Paul,
to be a person of hope.

These days' struggles
are nothing
in comparison
to what you have planned for your world.

And so I am to trust in your timing
and to work
with all of your creation
to bring your will to fulfillment.

I may find myself
feeling helpless along the way,
but this is also part of your plan.

In facing my helplessness
I come to know
that everything depends on you,
and that I am free
to do what I can
and to entrust everything to your care.

I am not to carry
the weight of the world
because that's not my job!

You are God and I am not.

All of creation
(including me)
groans in labour,
but you are the faithful midwife.

Bless my eyes so that I may see the world as you do,
my ears to hear your requests in the voices
of those around me who are in need.

Help me to trust in you,
and to do my share
in the labour
to make our world
what you want it to be.

+Amen.

Taizé Tuesday: Heureux qui s'abandonne à toi

As anyone who has been reading these moodlings for a few years knows, I find a lot of comfort and joy in the music of Taizé, that small ecumenical monastic community of brothers who welcome people from all over the world to pray with them on a beautiful hillside in France.

They are still praying, online these days, without any guests, every day at 12:30 pm MST (my time zone). And I'm finding that so many of their chants are perfect for the time in which we find ourselves, a time of many uncertainties and concerns. So for the next while, I've decided to give those songs space on my Tuesday moodlings.

This chant is one I've only learned since the brothers started their online prayers on March 16, after they sent home all visitors and volunteers and social-isolated themselves. If you're at all inclined to sing along, these are the lyrics:

Heureux qui s’abandonne à toi, ô Dieu, dans la confiance du coeur.

Tu nous gardes dans la joie, la simplicité, le miséricorde.

In these challenging times, what can we do but abandon ourselves to the will of the One who made the universe with all the trust we can muster? I'll post the English translation below the video. Enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrTLu4IjdSk

Happy are those who abandon themselves to you with a trusting heart.

You keep us in joy, simplicity, and mercy.