The myth of "other"

Yesterday, the premier of my province announced draconian anti-trans legislation in what seems like an effort to win further accolades from her supporters.

At a point in my past, I would have been cheering her on for protecting so-called parental rights. But I've since learned that some parents are so stuck in traditional male/female dichotomies that they don't realize they are endangering their own children -- who know themselves to be different. Not all children fit into those two boxes, nor should they have to.

As a parent of a trans person, I've been crossing the bumpy waters of trying to help my child come to self-acceptance and joy in who they are. It hasn't been easy -- in fact, it's the hardest thing I've ever done. But I know that my child was able to try new pronouns and explore who they were in the safety and acceptance of their school, and that eventually, they shared their discovery of their trans-ness with my husband and me. 

Our youth shelters are filled with kids whose parents prefer to disown them rather than try to understand who they are.

What really scares me is that the premier's declaration yesterday puts in danger my child, other trans kids and adults, and all people who offer life-saving and scientifically-based supports for trans people because they understand that there are more than two genders.

Just like the anti-encampment folks in our city have pushed our homeless people further and further into the woods, where necessary and life-saving help is hard to come by.

Divisive rhetoric like we heard from the premier yesterday, like we've heard from the anti-encampment police chief for weeks, hurts our society by dividing us instead of equipping us to work together for the common good. In refusing to accept differences among our community members, we are turning ourselves into harsh and judgmental human beings who disrespect lifestyles different than our own.

The problem is that it's too easy to jump on the bandwagon of a self-righteousness that leads to hatred. It's much harder to stand up for the marginalized (my body tells me that -- I am shaking as I write this moodling). But mystics and wisdom teachers across the centuries know that our allegiance lies with every human being, no matter how different their journey is from ours. 

So, somehow, my allegiance must be with people who disagree with me, and with people who agree with me. Dialogue leading to understanding and education is critically important, but holding the tension of differences is extremely difficult.

All that I know for certain is that it's never been "us" vs. "them." It's only us, in an interconnected web of life. And we need to get back to walking many miles in each others' shoes, which the Premier and her supporters clearly forget how to do. Only love and acceptance will win the day and better our world.

I've shed many tears this morning for both sides of these divides -- for the people who refuse to understand, and the people who know they have to stand up for who they are against so much opposition. The poem below is what landed in my journal. I think it fits the many situations where we are tempted to "other" each other, rather than ask the deeper questions that help us to understand each other:

I've come far enough 
in my life 
to understand 
that there is no "other" -- 
there is only us.

To judge others
because they are different from me
is really a judgment on myself.

To withhold the rights of others 

-- because we cannot accept 

who they are --
is to impoverish everyone.

The differences between us
enrich us as human beings.

Were we all the same,
would there be laughter and delight
at the surprises we bestow on each other?

Would there be music
with harmonies?

Would there be sumptuous feasts
that fill all our senses?

There is beauty and safety
in seeing that "other" 
is truly gift
to us all.

There is joy and belonging

in knowing that our differences
make us
us.

How to avoid cruel and unusual punishment

It was bad enough getting my teeth cleaned by a less-than-gentle dental hygienist, ouch. What made it worse was the television on the ceiling of the room that was playing the U.S. President's press secretary speaking to the media while my teeth were scraped and scaled. When I told a friend about this morning's experience of being a captive audience in a dentist's chair, she laughed and said, "double cruel and unusual punishment, for sure!"

Like many people, I'm trying my best to find some good in Donald Trump -- or at least trying not to get into rants about him. I grew up hearing Thumper the Rabbit's voice (in Bambi) saying, "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nuthin' at all," though I now temper that phrase with Edmund Burke's "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good [people] to do nothing." My best theory about this whole situation is that perhaps the Holy Spirit is allowing the present president to teach the world that we can't wait for presidents to make the world a better place; we also have to engage in improving ourselves and the situations where we can make a difference, and speak up for those without a voice.

So far I've managed to avoid signing the many on-line petitions of complaint against the man (what will they prove, really?) and I'm watching what I say about him because I believe that all the nasty badmouthing of both sides in the last year or so seems to be what got us here in the first place. But with all the negative and fear-based things happening in the first few weeks of this presidency, it's really difficult not to continually assume that the worst will happen, especially when so many lies are flying around (and so many refugees who have already gone through "extreme vetting" and have valid visas are waiting for the U.S. borders to reopen).

When I first saw the video below, I was put off by the negative and mocking tone of the speaker -- but a few days further on, I'm thinking he makes some valid points, especially after seeing this morning's press conference. If the President continues to use the media to market and push some of the lies he's using to support his agenda the way he has been, it's definitely within the media's rights to push back -- to "pause the tape" and do some fact-checking so that the truth may be heard (more than) twice as often as the lies. Some of the world's present problems lie in the fact that so many people accept whatever the loudest or most "official" voice says. We can't even hear the truth any more.

But truth, if it is true, doesn't have to be loud and pushy. It is clearly "official" because it manifests itself in beauty, goodness, generosity, kindness, and understanding. If we don't want to live with at least four more years of this "cruel and unusual punishment," of lies and the backlash they create, we need to move into a more positive place. So how do we convince each other of the truth? Not with the angry voices of the President or Keith Olberman in the video, but maybe with some honest facts coupled with a lot of compassion -- and plenty of action to reveal lies for what they are.

What do you think?