Showing posts with label family love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family love. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 29, 2020

My "Uncle Vic" ring

My Uncle Vic is an amazing man, one of those people whose sometimes gruff exterior holds a heart of gold, the kind of guy whose straight face suddenly surprises you with a wink you didn't see coming. I didn't know him very well as I was growing up because he lived in Saskatoon, 520 km from my home, and when we did visit him, our visits were short because there were numerous relatives to see from both of my parents' families. But I always liked catching up with his kids, and seeing Uncle Vic and my dad kibbitzing. 

Over the last few years, I haven't been to Saskatoon, but my parents have told me some interesting stories about Uncle Vic. He got into and really enjoyed barbershop singing with a group in Saskatoon -- he's always had a great singing voice, coming from a pretty musical family. My kids were amazed by him and my dad harmonizing at a family reunion/birthday party a few years ago, as he was a great-uncle they had only just met, a part of their grandpa's life that they had missed out on. Vic was also a jack of all trades, having more varied occupations over the years than any of his brothers, or so it always seemed to me. 

Not long after I started my short-lived teaching career, I remember visiting with Uncle Vic and Auntie Jennie on my own steam, having driven all the way to Saskatoon without the rest of my family, a first visit as a young adult. We went out for lunch somewhere and caught up on life in general. When I learned that Uncle Vic was managing a jewelry store, a lightbulb went off in my head. I showed my uncle the birthstone ring I was wearing, good gold with a cheap imitation emerald that had a bad chip.

"I can fix that, no problem," he told me. "Just leave it with me." When I insisted on paying for the repair, he waved me off, saying it wasn't worth fretting about. So I gave him the address of the school where I was working in rural Alberta, and sure enough, about a month later, the school secretary handed me a very special package. My ring looked brand new, and I was so delighted! I sent Uncle Vic a thank you card and wore that ring proudly for many years, until my knuckles started to thicken and I couldn't slide it on and off my right ring finger very easily. I put it in my jewelry box, and only wore it on my birthdays.

In his retirement, Uncle Vic wasn't content to rest on his laurels, and took a job as Walmart Greeter in Saskatoon. The next thing the extended family knew, he was an internet sensation, because someone on a high-traffic Facebook page named him as their favourite greeter and all around good guy. There were dozens, if not hundreds of accolades from customers who appreciated his friendliness and his willingness to go the extra mile in helping people, and it was wonderful to see him recognized that way.

Unfortunately, 2020 has not been kind to my uncle, and my parents have been keeping me informed about a dementia diagnosis and other health issues. When I heard about Uncle Vic's struggles, I went straight to my jewelry box and put on my ring as a reminder to pray for him, Auntie Jennie and their family. The problem was that it only fit loosely on my little finger, but I took a chance and wore it anyway. In the midst of this pandemic, my aunt made the difficult decision to move to Calgary and stay with their daughter's family so she would have help caring for Uncle Vic, and many prayers from many people went with them.

About two weeks ago, after a wintry walk with Lee and the dog, I suddenly realized that Uncle Vic's ring was missing from my finger. I had switched from leather gloves to warmer mittens halfway through a walk around the Legislature grounds, and when I checked my gloves, mittens, pockets, the floor of the car, and every other possible place where the ring might have ended up, I grieved when I couldn't find it. Even more so when my dad called four days later to tell me that Uncle Vic was in hospital, diagnosed with terminal lung cancer.

It goes without saying that this is a tough Christmas for Uncle Vic and his family. They are never far from my thoughts and prayers. I was thinking about him this morning as I was sorting our clean clothes to put away... and when I went to put a couple of sweaters in my dresser drawer, I noticed a glint of gold and green at the bottom. 

My ring probably slipped off the last time I put my sweaters away, just before the walk! I laughed out loud, delighted to see it again, and slipped it onto my finger. There it stays, a constant reminder of these loved ones who are walking the toughest road right now, that of illness and decline, one that we all walk in different ways and at different times. I keep them all in my prayers, and ask God for wise healthcare professionals and gentle moments of music, simple joy and deep love for my uncle, aunt and cousins.

Update: Uncle Vic died early in the morning of January 6, the Feast of the Epiphany, with his daughter Nadine by his side. It's a comfort to know that God's presence was revealed (Epiphany means revelation) to him that day. Prayers for his family in this time of loss are appreciated.

Sunday, December 31, 2017

Let all families be holy

I hate it when I end up crying through Sunday morning mass, and lately, it happens more often than I like. You see, God and I have what I would call a wonderful relationship. In fact, I can't get along without God. It's just that some of the people who speak for God make me cry, and that's painful, period.

Today, the last Sunday of the year, is the Feast of the Holy Family. Really, it's a liturgy that is all about love. We heard about love, respect, and honour among family members in scripture from the Book of Sirach. Paul's beautiful letter to the Colossians (3:12-21) reminded us to clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness and patience, to bear with one another, to forgive each other and to love. And then we heard about loving parents Mary and Joseph taking their infant son to the temple at the beginning of his faith journey. All beautiful and inspirational words!

It was the first few lines of the homily that set me off. Family values are under attack, we were told, by gay marriage and transgender activism. And the tears began to roll down my cheeks. I grew up in a Catholicism that brainwashed me against homosexuality, even as several of my Catholic friends who were gay or lesbian struggled with depression and self-loathing because our Christian culture labelled them as "disordered." It seemed to be a direct contradiction to the adage, "God does not make junk." As a young performer in a travelling show, I became friends with peers of many different backgrounds, cultures, and sexual orientations, and my friendships forced me to question the anti-queer mindset I grew up with because of my faith.

In the years since, I have realized that God loves queer people every bit as much as God loves me. Otherwise, why would God have blessed them with their different orientations? They are oriented differently not to spite the world, but because they have to be true to who they are, just as I do. And judging them helps no one.

In the last few years, I have witnessed the love and marriages of many queer friends who are being true to who God made them to be. And for the life of me, I can't see how Greg and Roy's marriage undermines anything. Karly and Inge and their two sons are as loving a family as mine. Their marriage is more loving, balanced and blessed than any of my heterosexual divorced friends' marriages ever were. And my neighbours, Leo and Markus*, are excitedly planning their wedding for September with every bit as much joy and anticipation as Lee and I did. They are a loving couple who deserve to be together for life, heart and soul. We need to remember that many marriages are about a loving unity that doesn't include procreation.

Love is love. And God is love. And since nobody I know can actually tell us the exact thoughts of this God who is love, and who clearly creates so many different forms of love, how can we speak against these other kinds of love, sexuality or gender simply because our experience is different? God is in Leo and Markus' relationship too, I'm convinced! It's full of goodness, truth and beauty,

I wish our homilist this morning had simply focused on the holy family as a model of love, and talked more about the beautiful qualities mentioned in the readings and how they feed our souls. I suspect I'm not the only person who needs to hear how every family that does its best to love one another is a holy family, even through our struggles. Perfection isn't possible, but love is, and families with trans-gendered or otherwise queer members don't need to be judged as somehow undermining family values, especially when we are all doing our best to love and support one another just as Jesus, Mary and Joseph did. God made us all holy!

God of love,
Thank you for the billions of love stories
that brought us into being,
that surround us,
sometimes challenge us,
and always sustain us.

Open our hearts to your love in its many forms.

Help us to act always
with love,
respect,
and honour
toward all members of our human family.

Clothe us
with compassion,
kindness,
humility,
meekness
and patience,
to bear with one another,
to forgive each other
and to love everyone who crosses our path.

Bless those families who struggle,
and help us to reach out to those in need
just as you reach out for us.

Bless us in this new year of 2018,
and let all families be holy
by our sharing in your love.

+Amen.

*I have used pseudonyms in place of my queer friends' names.