Sunday Reflection: Staying awake, or constant awareness?

Today's reflection is brought to you by 

Matthew 24: 37-44.

As were the days of Noah, so will be the coming of the Son of man. For as in those days before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day when Noah entered the ark, and they did not know until the flood came and swept them all away, so will be the coming of the Son of man. Then two men will be in the field; one is taken and one is left. Two women will be grinding at the mill; one is taken and one is left. Watch therefore, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming.

But know this, that if the householder had known in what part of the night the thief was coming, he would have watched and would not have let his house be broken into. Therefore you also must be ready; for the Son of man is coming at an hour you do not expect. 

(For months with a 5th Sunday, Pastor Quinn takes a break from preaching, so this is what I shared with the Sanctuary of Peace Community this morning...)

Today is Hope Sunday, the First Sunday of Advent, the season that leads us to Christmas. I love Advent, a time of hopeful waiting, and its small bits of light, one candle at a time to dispel the darkness of these winter days. The growing of the light from the Advent wreath beautifully represents the way hope grows... into peace, then joy, then full-fledged love, which is Christmas, God-with-us. 

 But in today’s gospel reading, Jesus’ words make me feel a little uneasy. I can count the 24 days of Advent, the days left before Christmas. But how many days and years are there before I meet Creator face to face? 

Uncle Rudolph

 Yesterday I drove to Saskatchewan and back for my Uncle Rudolph’s funeral. His death was a surprise to me. I expect it might have been to him, too. Saturday morning one week ago, he got ready as usual to go out to his farm land, but somehow never made it. It seems it was his time to go to God's house instead. And Jesus reminds us today that those washed away by Noah’s flood didn’t know their time was coming, either, nor can any of us guess when our time will be. Life and death are unpredictable, aren’t they? 

 But I don’t think that the end of the world or our own deaths are the only things Jesus is talking about here. Some Christians like to think he’s referring to something called The Rapture, where some people will go directly to heaven and others will stay behind because they're not good enough. A strange thought when we know that Jesus says to all of us in John’s gospel, “In my Father’s house are many rooms, and I am going to prepare a place for you there.” 

 Is Jesus warning us to be ready for the end of our lives when he says, “Keep awake, therefore, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming”? Or could he also be saying, watch out because God isn’t just on the way, God is already here, right now, and with you at every moment. Watch for God always! 

 Constantly staying awake to our own lives and Creator’s presence might not be something we give much thought, but you can bet it was something Jesus did all the time. Those of us who have been enjoying Thursday Morning Movie Madness and watching The Chosen this fall have seen Jesus portrayed as one who is very plugged in to God’s presence. When he opens his eyes in the morning, before anything else happens, Jesus says something like, “Blessed are you, Creator of the Universe, for you have given me another day to open my eyes and see your goodness.” When Jesus sits down to eat, he blesses Creator for food. When he goes to sleep, he blesses Creator for giving him the day he just had. God is always on his mind, and with his spirit. 

 I'm guessing none of us have Jesus's constant awareness of God, but these are things we can all do. We just need to take the opportunities as they come. Ever think about thanking God when you see a friendly face? Or a perfect little snowflake on your sleeve? Ever chat with God when things are going well, or when they're not? Ever acknowledge God while you’re washing your face, walking through the snow, or just saying hello? 

 Jesus is our model when it comes to connecting with God. In the Gospels there are many examples of him just bursting out into prayer in all sorts of situations. He brought God into everything he did. And if we do like Jesus did, when we reach the end of our lives, we’ll have no worries because Creator is our closest friend. God won’t feel like a stranger to us if we’ve invited him into everything we are doing, saying, thinking, and feeling all along our journey. And if we invite her to use our hands and feet to do their will, even better! 

 So let’s practice. Let’s invite Creator into this moment, not that an invitation is necessary. But don’t you like to be invited into things? 

 I invite you to settle as comfortably as you can into your chair. Set your feet on the floor and straighten your back if you are able. We’re together in this Sanctuary of Peace, so close your eyes if you like. You're safe here.

 Relax your shoulders and hands, and just rest in stillness and quietness. Breathe in and out, and feel the air God gives you to keep you alive flowing in and out… Our breath is gift. 

 Imagine an empty chair facing you, and invite Creator, or Creator’s son, or Spirit, to have a seat there...

 Feel their loving gaze upon you. Rest in the warmth of their smile... 

 In your heart, speak to God about something that gave you joy this week... 

 Then share something that made you sad or angry. Notice God’s sympathetic expression... 

 Tell about the smallest thing you noticed. Does Creator nod in agreement, marveling along with you?

 Thank God for something that you appreciated. Hear God say, “You’re welcome, my beloved one.”

 God is smiling upon you, and reaches out to take your hands. How does it feel when God holds your hands? 

 As your time with God comes to a close, they say, “I love you, my child. Remember that I’m here for you, always ready to share in your life.” 

 Gently open your eyes if they were closed, and bring your awareness back to this room. 

And we’ll pray together: 

Thank you, Creator. 
Thank you, Jesus, 
Thank you, Spirit, 

 for being with me in all that I think, do, or say. 
Help me to remember that You are always with me, 

 so that I can include You,  
and share with You all the important moments in my life, 

 and even the unimportant ones. 
Bless me with an awareness of Your presence that helps others to see You, too. 
Make me a sign of Your love to others, 
 and use my hands and feet to do Your will. 

 +Amen

And thank you, Creator, for Uncle Rudy and the life of faithful and loving service he lived for family, friends and community. His warmth and kindness live on in his family -- grant them peace and consolation in their time of sorrow, and joy when they meet him again where he waits for them, likely singing with the angel choir and/or setting up a game of cards or bunnock for everyone to enjoy! 

Uncle Rudolph, I will miss you. I'm sorry that I never got your name the way you liked it best.

Love always,
Maria

The blue wagon goes missing

Cold weather is arriving this week, colder than we've had yet this fall. And when you're homeless and trying to survive in the outdoors, temperatures below zero are always an issue; warm clothing a must.

A replacement wagon?

Fortunately for Sanctuary of Peace and our Tuesday Table Time ministry, we've been receiving a lot of good winterwear, snacks, handwarmers, and toiletries "survival kits" from friends who know about our street ministry. Every week, we wait outside Bissell Centre East to meet those who live on the streets or in shelters located nearby. We offer them basic necessities, often things donated to us, that folks can't afford to purchase for themselves.

A few years ago, a friend donated a blue canvas collapsible wagon that we've used to transport a lot of Table Time supplies. We've guarded it carefully because we know so many of our folks would love to have it for their own use. We've often heard, "Is that wagon up for grabs?"

and received a lot of good-natured teasing when we said, "No, we need it or we can't set up our table next week."

Even so, the wagon suddenly vanished. We realized it was missing on Sunday because we usually fill it with left over cardboard boxes after we pass out the 200+ lunch bags supplied by our supporting communities. Its absence was felt again today because we had more than the usual Table Time supplies to offer folks ahead of this coming cold snap. We did a big search for our missing wagon, with staff at the Bissell Centre helping as well. Pastor Quinn also checked with the Provincial Navigation Centre across the street. 

No luck.

The wagon was very much missed for the hour and a half that we managed to give away piles and bins of good warm clothing, snacks, toiletries and gloves (we never have enough gloves for everybody). I and others made extra trips to and from our office, juggling boxes in our arms as we tried to navigate door handles. Good thing I did my Tai chi this morning to warm up those muscles!

Unless our wagon turns up this week, which we highly doubt, we're on the lookout for a new one, and/or anyone who might like to contribute toward it.

I've priced them out, and a good collapsible wagon (we don't have a lot of storage space) costs more than $100, more like $150. It has to have a heavy-duty metal frame, with good wheels that can roll down the corrugated metal ramp from our office to the street. Cheaper wagons with tiny wheels or a box that isn't sturdy enough to carry our bins and boxes just won't cut it.

If you're looking for a way to support folks living rough in the heart of the city, cash donations to Inner City Pastoral Ministry (our old name) will help us to buy a new wagon -- or, if you prefer, gloves, snacks and other winter items that people really need right now. Click here for a link to our website's donation page. E-transfers can be sent directly to icpmgiving @gmail.com, and tax receipts will be issued by our board treasurer.

Any amount helps. Our arms and backs will be much happier when we can use another wagon, and our friends on the street are always happy to receive Table Time assistance, whatever form it takes.

Monday Music Appreciation: Salt then sour then sweet

I hadn't heard of poet Andrea Gibson before they died of cancer in July, but my social media blew up that day, and I soon discovered what an amazing poet and human being they were.

Brandi Carlile and Sara Bareilles released a gorgeous piece of music last week with one of Andrea's poems and some video clips. It seems to contain all of life's "feels." Here it is for you to enjoy.

Just for today, imagine...

... arriving in kindergarten in new clothes your mom bought especially for the occasion, but feeling like they're all wrong somehow.

... preferring to play with kids of the opposite gender, and being shunned by those of your assigned-at-birth gender for it.

... feeling your parents' disapproval for refusing to wear "the right clothes." 

... hating your body when you reach puberty because it's taking a shape that doesn't match who you know yourself to be.

... being bullied and made fun of by other kids because you can't fit in with the image of your assigned-at-birth gender.

... wishing you could play sports on the opposite-gendered team because your sense of competition matches better with theirs.

... being afraid of your parents' reaction if you tell them that you're feeling depressed and anxious in your body, that you are wanting to transition in some way.

... "coming out" as a trans person at school because it feels safer to try your real self out among supportive school mates than at home.

... not "coming out," just flying under the radar and feeling scared and alone because no one can know the real you, only the mis-gendered you.

... considering killing yourself because it's too hard to pretend to be someone you're not.

... talking (or not talking) to your favourite teacher, telling them about your feelings and your desire to change your name, and feeling supported and safe with them (or unsupported and afraid because of possible repercussions).

... being told by other adults that you are just going through a phase, or that you've been brainwashed by the "Trans Agenda," or that God made only two genders -- "He made you as you are and He doesn't make mistakes."

... going through a period of severe and debilitating depression and dysphoria, until your parents insist on getting help for you when you tell them everything.

... going through a period of severe and debilitating depression and dysphoria, telling your parents why, and being kicked out of the house.

... starting hormone therapy, and feeling for the first time like things are changing for the better.

... following your heart bravely, with (or without) family support, doing what you have to do to feel "right" within yourself. 

... changing your name officially to one that fits you. 

... finding a Gay Straight Alliance or other supportive group of other 2SLGBTQIA+ people who make you laugh, support you, and share your interests.

... navigating many medical hurdles and hurtful human judgments, battling gender dysphoria for years while on a lengthy waiting list for the medical care you need. 

... completing the psychological assessments and painful surgeries necessary to become who you know yourself to be.

... rejoicing in a body that finally fits you, but still worrying about the violent tendencies of those who judge you and refuse to even try to understand.

... sitting in the gallery of the Alberta Legislative Assembly, angry tears streaming down your cheeks as the government tables legislation preventing other people from being able to do what you have done to survive and thrive as a transgender person.

* * * * * * *

Today is the Transgender Day of Remembrance, a day when we remember those people who have died due to the harms caused by a society that feels uncomfortable because some people just don't fit into the expected gender boxes.

As a Catholic mom of a trans person, and someone who knows other really wonderful trans people, I can't sit in silence. My church's refusal to allow for the existence of trans people has driven me to its edges, and to a more inclusive faith community. And the government is even worse -- this has been a horrifying week for the trans community as they watch their human rights being eroded by the Alberta government's invocation of the notwithstanding clause, preventing court challenges against anti-trans legislations that endanger kids like mine.

Even one life lost because of these laws is one too many.

If you know any trans people, be sure give them your support and love today, and consider contacting your own government representatives to let them know that Trans Rights are Human Rights that you support, wherever you may be. 

Superhuman? Maybe not

Lee and I collected a lot of leaves from our neighbours (with permission) on the day before the city's designated leaf and yard waste collection at the beginning of November. I never did count how many bags, but I'm guessing it was well over sixty.

The next day, I took the dog for a big morning walk, and went out after lunch to put the garden to bed. It seemed a daunting task -- moving those bags of leaves around, loosening up soil in our garden boxes, and then covering the boxes. 

Bare soil is dying soil, or so say many soil scientists -- beneficial microbes, worms, and insects that help rejuvenate dirt and create compost need protection through our harshest seasons -- and the rest of the year, too. That's why my yard has leaf litter covering the soil all year long. It can look a bit messy, especially in the spring before the plants fill out, but it's better for them overall and I don't have to water as much when it's hot.

Here's the yard after two hours of work. See the beds against the back fences covered in leaves? 

It's kinda hard to tell, 
but that's probably 250 sq feet of soil work and coverage.

I used some leaf bags to fill our leaf corral to the brim, 

and stored a dozen others for next year's composting.
Two hours and another 250 sq feet later, it looked like this:

I ran out of steam when it came to packing leaves around my front yard rose bushes, but figured it was okay to leave that job for the next day. When Lee got home from work that evening, he was surprised at how much I'd accomplished, and I teased him that he has a superhuman wife. 

Of course, that evening I had to take ibuprofen. Somehow I don't think superhumans have such sore muscles after an afternoon of heavy yard work, but I'm not as young as I used to be. 

When it snowed three days later (more snow than what you see below as I took this picture after it started melting on Saturday), I was happy that the garden was tucked in for the season. We'll start all over again in the spring, hopefully with happy, healthy, and moist soil. Time to enjoy more indoor pursuits in place of gardening!

Sunday reflection: Control is an illusion

Flowers from my sisters
after this week's scary time...

Today's reflection is brought to you by Luke 20: 27-36.

Today was my turn to lead morning prayer at Sanctuary of Peace. Here's what I shared with the community:

Even to our 21st century ears, the question the Sadducees are asking Jesus in this morning’s gospel reading sounds like a bad joke with a strange punchline! I mean, what is the likelihood that a woman would marry a guy with six brothers only to have him die, then marry each his brothers in turn, only to have the same thing happen again and again. Highly unlikely! 

My husband has three brothers, and if anything happened to him, I wouldn’t want to marry them no matter what the Sadducees' rules were. They are not my type, and I’m not theirs! Thank heavens my partner is alive and well, and that the Sadducees’ rules don’t apply to me! 

But the Sadducees theoretical story and the rules about marriage brought up other things for me. The imaginary woman in their story had no control over what happened to her because of the religious rules of the day. Women had no choice but to do what authorities like the Sadducees said, and they were all men, which also wasn’t fair. And while we'd like to say that things have changed, for a lot of women around the world, that’s not the case. We’re bound by rules, written and unwritten, that men have made.

But that’s not my main point here. My point is that none of us, no matter our gender, have as much control in our lives as we like to think. The idea of control is an illusion we offer ourselves – until something blows that illusion to smithereens. 

Accidents happen. People die. A friend of mine was recently fired for no reason. Another friend’s marriage ended. Things valuable to us are lost or broken. On Thursday, someone I love very deeply experienced a medical crisis, and all I could do was hold on to her and pray as medical personnel worked on her. She came through okay, but I’ve never been more afraid in my life. And I'm still afraid that other things may go wrong for her.

So the Sadducees’ silly story raised a couple of big questions for me this week. How do we feel when we don’t have control over situations in our lives? And what do we do with those feelings? 

I have a few methods for handling life when things are out of my control. Sometimes I bottle up my feelings and try to push my way through situations as if they don’t really exist. Or, I get really scared and angry and lash out at people around me even when it’s not their fault. Other times, depression and hopelessness can bring me to my knees. 

Sometimes I need to sit down and ugly cry for a while, or stand outside on a windy day and swear loudly at God. Ever done that? It's quite therapeutic, and God has big shoulders -- They can handle it. I’ve also been known to try to make deals with Creator, saying, “If you can improve this situation and give me back some control, I’ll do big things for you too.” Ha, like I can do big things for God!

But few of these “coping mechanisms” actually help. It’s only when I can really let go of my anger and fear and need for control, when I am able to accept an uncontrollable situation with some grace, that I can find relief and feel more peaceful about it. Jesus, in the garden of Gethsemane, is a good model for this. Facing his death, he somehow managed to say, "Not my will, but Yours be done" to God. Jesus stands in solidarity with all of us when we don't have control over life's situations. But I'm not as good at this as Jesus.  

Jesus didn't complain, or let people walk all over him. He stood up against injustice when he could. But his example tells me that when there’s nothing I can do, I need to cry and grieve and let go of my need for control; to turn the situation over to Creator, who holds us all together, who holds together this universe we live in through love for all that is. 

I need to to say that famous prayer, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. 

That’s when I remember that Creator sees each and every one of us as Her beloved. He cries for all the ways human beings judge each other and treat each other unfairly with arbitrary rules that favour some people and hurt others. Creator wants what’s best for each one of us, but They don’t hand it to us on a silver platter. God knows that we live and grow most when we learn to hand over control in our lives to the One who really knows what’s going down. When we can say, like in the prayer of the four directions, “we are little and need Your pity,” we can be freed from our need for control. 

But let’s go back to the Sadducees and their silly story. Jesus tells them, “You guys have it all wrong. You’re worrying about who is married to who in heaven -- which you don’t even believe in -- but Creator doesn’t care about all that. God welcomes everyone to the resurrection of the dead because they are like angels and are children of God, being children of the resurrection.” Creator made everything, and wants what’s best for all Their children. We just need to work with Creator to allow that to happen, even when things are out of our control. 

Allow me to repeat that: God wants what’s best for all of us. We just need to allow that to happen. Especially when things are out of our control. 

As I always do, I would like to leave an opportunity for everyone to rest a few moments in this Sanctuary of Peace, to have a conversation with Creator. 

I invite you to settle as comfortably as you can. Straighten your back, set your feet on the floor, close your eyes or lower them, and relax. Breathe in and out, slowly and gently. In… and out… 

Let go of your thoughts and make an empty space for God to fill you. 

Imagine walking into a room deep in your own heart, a room lit by a single candle. Creator surrounds you in this space, a loving presence, warm and enveloping. 

Just wait with Creator in the semi-darkness… Creator invites you to think about your life, and a situation where you feel like you have little or no control… 

Silently tell Creator about it… and how you feel about it… how you hope it might be solved… 

Creator makes no promises… but the candle burns a little more brightly as you sit together in the silence… 

As your time together comes to a close, Creator says, “I love you, my child. I only want what is best for you. Let go... and let me help you. Let’s work together toward your peace of heart and mind and soul…"

When you are ready, return to this space… 

Let’s pray together: 

Creator, 

We thank you for your presence in our lives, 

especially in those situations where we have no control. 

When we are afraid or angry, 

feeling helpless or hopeless, 

remind us that you are with us, 

and that you want neither suffering nor distress to harm us. 

Help us to trust you. 

Help us to believe in your love. 

Help us to let go. 

Give us your peace when we need it the most. 

Give all your children peace. 

 +Amen

Monday Music Appreciation #65: A beloved opera melody

I haven't been posting moodlings very frequently over the last while, though I'm always composing them in my head as I move through life. I guess I've gotten out of the habit of sitting at my laptop where moodling happens most easily. Also, I am more than a bit perturbed by the way AI bots are mining my blog for ideas (for example, the image I made to accompany my moodling from April 8, 2021 is now a t-shirt in 10 different colours if I am to believe the internet, ugh -- and without my permission, or Louise Penny's!). It's enough to make me want to pull the plug, period, on Simple Moodlings. I'm realistic enough to know that no one would really miss it! (Except maybe me.)

But old habits die hard, and I love sharing music (and other ideas) so here I am with another Monday Music Appreciation moodling. A few weeks ago, I was blessed to sit in the Winspear Centre audience for a gorgeous evening of Opera's Greatest Hits. So much fantastic classical music, and to top it all off, the second last piece was Giuseppi Verdi's Va Pensiero, the chorus of the Hebrew slaves from Nabucco. It's a wonderful example of lament, longing, and hope, and gorgeous Italian that I can sing to this day because my brain holds onto strange things, and my Up With People cast performed it for a solid month when we travelled through Italy. It was a real crowd-pleaser. On that evening two weeks ago, I sang along quietly with tears of joy and delight rolling down my cheeks.

But today, the video I'm posting below is a part of my own lament:

-- for homeless people who are dying on our streets because government refuses to invest in appropriate forms of harm reduction.

-- for decisions being made that take us further into climate change rather than away from it.

-- for teachers forced back to work without having their concerns addressed, and for all people caught up in the so-called "affordability crisis."

-- for migrants and others who face prejudice and oppression just because their English is accented and their skin is not white.

And though I could go on and on about the things I am lamenting today, I'll end on a lighter note:

-- for the Toronto Blue Jays, a truly cohesive team who won the hearts of Canadians, sports fans or not, even though they lost the World Series this past Saturday. Next year, boys!

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate -- fly, my thoughts on gilded wings, toward hopeful solutions to the world's ills, toward trust that somehow, all shall be well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vA0wLGb92fs&t=1s

Sunday Reflection: All my tears be washed away

Today's reflection is brought to you by 

Isaiah 25: 6-8.

On this mountain the Lord of hosts will make for all peoples 

    a feast of rich food, a feast of well-matured wines, 

    of rich food filled with marrow, of well-matured wines strained clear. 

And God will destroy on this mountain 

    the shroud that is cast over all peoples, 

    the sheet that is spread over all nations; 

God will swallow up death for ever. 

Then the Lord God will wipe away the tears from all faces...

This morning we celebrated All Souls' Day at Sanctuary of Peace. It was a very meaningful service in more ways than one. Pastor Quinn gave a beautiful reflection on the reading from Isaiah, and offered everyone present an opportunity to come forward and light a candle in memory of loved ones who have gone "home." Our community of low-income and homeless folks know so many on the other side of the veil... one of whom just passed beyond the veil this morning due to a fentanyl overdose. The drugs out there right now are at a level of lethal that ends lives and breaks hearts far too often.

As part of the service, Pastor Quinn asked for a special song, All My Tears, written by Julie Miller. Julie's version, which you can hear by clicking this link, has an aching rawness (perhaps because she can sing an interesting dissonance) that really appeals to Quinn, who met her in his past. Julie and Buddy, her partner, do things with this song that Evan and I can't carry off, and not just because we don't have drums and electric guitar at our disposal. Emmylou Harris's version is even more haunting in my books. There's just something about her voice...

It was tricky to learn this song in the short time we had, but Evan and I managed to sing something a bit closer to the video below, put together by Wild Blue Yonder, an excellent Appalachian bluegrass band. Of course, they can apply a few more gorgeous harmonies than us two Sanctuary musicians, along with wonderful fiddle, banjo, mandolin, etc...

On this All Souls' Day, I hope that you can imagine your loved ones who have gone ahead singing these words to you, and find comfort in the God who intends that we'll all be home and we'll all be free, with all our tears washed away.